The Rapture is Real

Putting their eschatological horse before their life-loving wagon, millions of muddle-headed Tim LaHaye fans around the world have arranged for hundreds of nuclear bombs to go off in about an hour at all points of the compass, thereby bringing a fiery end to all life on earth. Everyone who’s anyone has tried to talk them out of it but, unfortunately, lots of folks (like John Hagee, a close, personal friend of George W. Bush) are actually pretty jacked about it and are looking forward to having their flesh burnt off in the coming firestorm.

So, what are you going to do? Drink heavily? Meditate? Finally tell your boss what you really think of him or her? Putter about the yard?