The Not-So-Super-Virus

Let’s call it the Bad-Enough-Virus. It’s not Ebola, SARS, or Avian Flu, but your doctor says it will kill you in an hour. Your head feels as if someone has just hammered a wedge between the plates of your skull, and every single joint in your body aches, including every knuckle on each of your fingers on both of your hands. And every time you swallow it feels like a bundle of 00# steel wool has just been yanked forcefully through your throat. Your temperature is 103 degrees Fahrenheit (about 39 and a half degrees Celsius), and your pajamas and bedding are soaked with perspiration. You really didn’t need the doctor to tell you you’re about to die; you can feel it coming.

This one’s easy: you’re just going to lay there and moan because you don’t have the strength to do anything else. Man, that sucks.

Supermarket of Doom

You’re in the produce section when the announcement comes over the P.A.:
“Attention Happy Snappy Grocery customers, the world will end in approximately 60 minutes. Please bring your final selections to the checkout stands.”

Your cart is empty but for five plump Kohlrabi which have suddenly taken on a very ominous quality that you find strangely disturbing.

What will you do? Abuse an aubergine? Seduce a checker? Talk someone into driving you and the cart to the top of the steepest, straightest street in town?

The Rapture is Real

Putting their eschatological horse before their life-loving wagon, millions of muddle-headed Tim LaHaye fans around the world have arranged for hundreds of nuclear bombs to go off in about an hour at all points of the compass, thereby bringing a fiery end to all life on earth. Everyone who’s anyone has tried to talk them out of it but, unfortunately, lots of folks (like John Hagee, a close, personal friend of George W. Bush) are actually pretty jacked about it and are looking forward to having their flesh burnt off in the coming firestorm.

So, what are you going to do? Drink heavily? Meditate? Finally tell your boss what you really think of him or her? Putter about the yard?

Death from Above

An asteroid the size of Rhode Island has just been detected heading straight for the earth, and it will impact in about an hour, far too soon for anyone to do anything about. While some life, one hopes, may live on despite the horrible, planetary destruction this will cause, your particular location just happens to be smack dab in the middle of Ground Zero.

Whatever will you do with your final hour?

Doomsday à la LHC

The Large Hadron Collider just created a black hole which has started sucking all matter into its un-quenchable vortex. But it will take about an hour before it’s large enough to completely consume the earth.

What will you do with your last 60 minutes?